Not Possible

Transmitted by:
"There is no universe in which that is possible."
"Excuse me?"
"There is no universe in which that is possible. By expanding my search to all known universes across all the dimensions and multiverses there is no match. By extrapolating on said data and taking into consideration the criteria for this plan to succeed there is zero chance of achieving the outcome you desire."
"Zero chances?"
"Zero 'chances'."
"Dude! All I want to make is a grilled peanut butter and jelly sandwich! I can do it myself! Now let me use the stove!"
"I'm afraid I can't do that, Dave."

Popular posts from this blog

31. Lots of Players in the Game

Transmitted by:
You'd do well to remember that we're not the only ones in this game. There's dozens of organizations operating at the same level of us. All with the single goal of keeping the old ones - the unmentionable ones - and their hordes from enslaving mankind and devouring our world. Sure, we don't get along, even refuse to help one another, but we all share that goal. Of course there's just as many orgs working against us. Fools with their foolish ideas running head first straight into Armageddon. It's a game of attrition that's as old as man himself. God help us. 
Read more

42. Dudes in a Nutshell

Transmitted by:
"Henderson? That man is crazy. He absolutely refuses to go to the bathroom without his cellphone. Asked him why once, he said, "What if I'm in the middle of dropping a deuce and a cross-dimensional portal opens up in the shower and a giant gecko walks through it carrying two laser rifles and says, 'Come on, we gotta go! No time to explain!' I gotta have my phone with me, right?" And he was dead serious. Insanity. I mean what good is your cell gonna do on a cross-dimensional trip unless you take the charger too!" 
Read more